If you think, "I miss my ex," it can be incredibly difficult to get rid of that feeling.
You can have a massive hole in your stomach or get literally sick if it reminds you of your ex (which feels like it can happen a hundred times a day!).
Even if it seems like you're alone with your grief, it's important to know that this is an incredibly common experience and one that can progress with the right approach, whether you choose to get back together with your ex or not.
In this article, I list the 16 most important things you can do right now to feel better and (if you want to) get them back.
Then you'll learn everything you need to know about losing your ex and how to recover from a breakup.
Let's go.
"I miss my ex" - The 16 best things you can do
Here are 16 common approaches if you miss your ex: some are healthy, some maybe less so. I go into the advantages and disadvantages of individual approaches.
Regardless of whether you want your ex back or not, you will find some very helpful tips in these 16 approaches.
1). Work on development and growth.
The irony is that if you really want to make him jealous, you don't have to focus on your ex at all.
So what do you focus on?
In yourself.
When you experience a traumatic or life-changing event, it is always an opportunity to learn more about yourself as a person. law of attraction how to get your ex back, Instead of focusing on your ex, you should turn your attention inward and ask questions like:
What did I like to do before I met my ex?
Was there something I liked to do but didn't do it often when I was with my ex?
What did I like to do as a child? What else could I do now?
What would make me happier now?
Here's why it works to grow on yourself:
If you begin to think about what makes you happy as a person and do more of these activities, you will naturally begin to process your pain in a healthy and positive way.
This does not mean that you will not associate again or meet new people, but the attitude you are doing is completely different. They act out of an attitude of curiosity and joy, not out of jealousy. In the long run, it will make you much happier, no matter how things turn out.
An added bonus is that people are always drawn to other people who are living their best lives. Regardless of whether you want to meet someone new or get back together with your ex at some point, you will also be more attractive to potential partners.
2nd. Think of your ex as "the one"
"My ex is the right one" is another thought that many of us have probably experienced before. We live in a culture in which the idea of "the one" is sustained, especially by the movies and series we watch.
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Remember the Disney movies you watched as a child: there was always a perfect match for the main character. Cinderella and Prince Charming. Rapunzel and Flynn. Mulan and Shange.
From an early age we have been taught to believe that there is "one" and that happiness or our own happy ending will bring us.
Here's why concentrating on "the" doesn't work.
The irony is that we will never be truly happy in a relationship if we depend on someone else to make us happy.
Dr. Randi Gunther, a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor in Southern California, even says that the more we project our own desire for happiness onto our partner, the more a long-term relationship fails.
Yuck.
3rd. Emotions dominate the show.
The problem is not that your ex doesn't love you, your previous relationship has shown how strong their feelings can be.
If you tried to get back together with your ex and it didn't work out, the real problem is that you've closed yourself off from the possibility. Your ex has already decided not to give you a chance.
This is the emotional wall you have to climb over.
The simple truth is that emotions have a say when it comes to making decisions, and that really is your best chance of getting your ex back.
And that's how it's done.
If you tried to get back together with your ex and it didn't work out, the real problem is that you've closed yourself off from the possibility. Your ex has already decided not to give you a chance.
According to relationship expert James Bauer, the key to getting back with your ex is to change your feelings when you introduce him back into your life.
Forget convincing them to try again. Logical reasoning won't work for your ex because it only reinforces the painful emotions that originally drove him away from you.
If someone tries to convince you of something, it is human nature to always present a counter argument.
Instead, focus on changing the person's feelings. Simply change the feelings that connect them to you and let them imagine a whole new relationship.
In his simple and authentic video, James Bauer gives you a step-by-step method that allows you to change his ex's feelings for you. He tells you what texts you send and what things you can say that will trigger something in him.
Because as soon as you paint a new picture of what your life together could be like, your emotional walls don't stand a chance.
Watch the excellent free video of him here.
4th. Become emotionally independent of your ex
So what is the key to maintaining a long-term relationship with a new partner or even your ex?
Learn what makes you happy and confident regardless of your partner.
As Alyssa "Lia" Mancao, a licensed clinical social worker and certified cognitive therapist, explains on mindbodygreen:
"[ Emotional dependency ] is very common: it is the idea that our happiness depends on something outside of us. This is called emotional addiction, ie. H. our feelings and self-esteem are based on external factors, e.g. how another person thinks about us But if we want to find a feeling of peace in ourselves and in our relationships, it is important to change from emotional dependence to emotional independence.
That's why emotional independence works.
If you focus on being happy, whether or not your ex comes back into your life, you create the conditions for long-term happiness, no matter what.
Permanent happiness is something you cultivate from within and not something you find outside of yourself. law of attraction how to get your ex back , Developing emotional independence will be helpful not only now, but for the rest of your life.
5). get rid of yourself
The thing is, after a breakup, you definitely need to keep yourself busy. It's a good idea to do things you enjoy and spend time with people who love you, make you laugh, and make you feel good.
It's also a good idea to meet new people and get to know them to remind themselves that you are attractive and desirable. These are all cool things to do!
But as we've already discussed, it's best to use this time to discover your own inner sources of happiness and joy. So how you distract yourself is incredibly important.
Why distraction doesn't work for distraction:
People often fall into the trap of getting distracted by things that don't really help them, like. YES. Watch Netflix and YouTube, stay away too long, or eat and drink too much.
Use this time to deal with positive things, e.g. B. attend a new course, meet an old friend, volunteer, or do something special for a loved one, "just like that."
6). Set Specific Goals So You Lose Your Ex Less
It's even better if you can distract yourself in a very specific way. Separation is a wonderful opportunity to review your entire life and see what may have been out of balance.
Instead of just trying to be busy, you should make a plan for how to work on the most important areas of your life and track your progress.
What about your fitness and health? Could you do more sports or eat healthier?
What about your career? Do you do something that you love and that fills you?
What about your finances? Would this be a good time to become more financially savvy and work to create more financial security in your life?
What about your beliefs about life and your true destiny? Could you use this time to explore some of life's biggest questions?
What about your other important relationships? Are there other relationships you need to maintain and improve?
If one of these areas is out of balance, now is a good time to explore and work on it.
Make a plan that will help you keep from losing his ex by focusing on things that will help improve your whole life.
Why it works for setting specific goals:
It's easy to lose sight of the big picture of our lives if we get distracted by unoccupied activities. Setting goals for the areas we want to improve in our lives helps us focus on ourselves.
The actions, or distraction, that we take serve to add something useful to our lives instead of just running away or running away. It's a small change in mindset that makes a big difference.
The more you focus on distracting yourself with things that improve your overall happiness, the less you will inevitably miss your ex.
7). think about the relationship
If you miss your ex, you have to think about the relationship.
What went well? What went wrong? And above all: what will you do differently when you get back together?
Because you cannot repeat the same mistakes of the past.
For women, I think it's important to take the time to think about what really drives men in relationships.
Because men see the world differently from you and are motivated by other things when it comes to love.
Men have a built-in desire for something "bigger" that goes beyond love or sex. That's why men who seem to have the "perfect friend" are still unhappy and always looking for something else, or worse, someone else.
8th give them freedom
Always give your ex some space. That is absolutely essential.
Because if you give your ex freedom, you give him time to reflect on the good things in the relationship and miss you.
You may think that your ex will move on as soon as she gets some freedom. This is a risk she must take.
After all, your ex may not talk to you for a while.
I know it seems difficult and counterintuitive to set your ex free, but leaving them alone is one of the best ways to bring them back into your life.
However, you must do this in a very specific way. You shouldn't stop all communication. You have to talk to your ex's subconscious and give him the impression that you really don't want to talk to him right now.
Hears. Sorry, I'm disturbing. Here's Lachlan from Hack Spirit. (Article continues below.)
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Would you like to get your ex back? 9 to 16 offers you support
Some people find that they still miss his ex and want to get back together with him, even though they have focused on cultivating his own happiness.
The good news is that if you used this time to focus on yourself, your desire to return will likely come from a place of clarity. And that means the chances of the relationship working out in the long run are much higher.
So, what are you doing?
9). Show your ex how you have changed and developed
Most important things first: You need to show your ex that you've grown and changed since the breakup.
It doesn't matter if you broke up with your ex or he broke up with you, you have to show him that you're not the same person you were when you broke up.
Since you have bothered, he or she can recognize this change in you and will take your advances much more seriously.
So, when you talk to your ex again, try to subtly show him what properties you have improved in yourself.
10). fight for your ex
You may first have to be convinced that he really has changed, so show it through sensible and specific actions.
This can be done by making up for a mistake you made earlier. This can be a gesture that shows you really listen to his concerns and listen to them. Do your best, but keep in mind that it is ultimately your decision. If you feel pressured to get back with you, you will probably resist reunification even more.
So metaphorically fight for them by acting in a specific way, but don't go overboard, so your gestures will be calculated or insincere.
At this point, and due to all the work you have done for her personal growth, you should be sure that you will be fine, and you will be happy again, regardless of whether she decides to return to you or not.
eleven). Want advice specifically for your situation?
While this article outlines the most important things you can do if you miss your ex, it can also help to talk to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your life and experience...
Relationship Hero is a website where highly qualified relationship coaches help people in complicated and difficult love situations, e.g. B. if you miss someone you love. They are a very popular point of contact for people facing this type of challenge.
How can I know?
Well, I reached out to her a few months ago when I was going through a rough phase in my own relationship. After so long in my thoughts, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how I might get it back on track.
I was overwhelmed by how kind, sensitive and genuinely helpful she was to my coach.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get advice tailored to her situation.
Click here to get started.
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12). Process undissolved emotions
Thoughts and memories often appear in our consciousness because we have not fully processed them. Therefore, it is important that you take the time to process unresolved emotions from your relationship with your ex.
Keep a journal, talk to a trusted friend about her feelings, or discuss such things with a therapist. This way, you can make sure you don't take old feelings into your new relationship.
13). Resist the urge to compare others to your ex.
It's natural to want to compare others to your ex, but if you do, you'll miss out on getting to know the new people in your life better.
Approach dates and meetings with new people with curiosity. Think of discovering the uniqueness of each new person as an adventure you can get involved in.
It can be tempting to put your ex on a pedestal, but if you take him down from this pedestal, it will be much easier for you to believe, that 1) it is worth falling in love again, and 2) that other people are worthy of their love too.
14). go out with yourself for a while
Who says you have to date someone else to have fun? A weekly date with yourself can be a wonderful way to discover what you prefer to do while building your self-confidence.
Go to the movies with yourself. Visit a favorite museum. Have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine with your favorite book. Take a long hike or mountain bike tour. Browse your favorite store, just like that.
If you focus on doing things you love and spending time with yourself, you may find that only you can have as much fun as you do with your ex, if not more!
15. Being jealous
Who has not had this thought after a separation?
It's an incredibly common reaction because our minds automatically respond to the logic "If I can only make him jealous, he/she will miss me too." jumps.
The thing is, if you do it right, it can be quite effective in making your ex jealous.
It's probably best if you spend time with other people, you don't have to sleep with them or meet them. Just hang out with each other and let your ex see it.
Jealousy is a powerful thing; use them to your advantage. But use them wisely.
If you're feeling a little adventurous, try this "searpipes" text
- I think it was a great idea that we decided to go out with other people. I just want to be friends right now! "-
You're telling your ex that you're meeting other people...which in turn makes him jealous.
It's a good thing.
After sending this text, you will feel attractive again due to the "fear of loss" already mentioned.
This was another text I learned from Brad Browning, my absolute favorite online coach for "Get Your Ex Back".
Here is a link to the free online video of him. It offers a number of helpful tips that you can use right away to get your ex back.
sixteen. track your progress
When you learn a new skill or develop a new habit, it's a great motivator to track your progress.
Keep a journal or take a few notes every day about how you feel and what you do. Even if you can still think about your ex and miss him, it's easier to see how far you've come if you can track your progress.
With a record you can refer to, the thought “I miss my ex so much” can quickly change to “Wow! I miss my ex now a lot less than a month ago” transform. And that is a great victory and an incentive to continue.
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The thought "I miss my ex" is completely normal.
With breakups, it's such a thing: They can make you feel so isolated and alone in your pain and suffering.
We can discover how we think about it like "Why is this happening to me? What's wrong with me? What have I done wrong? Will I ever be able to love again? Will anyone love me again?"
It's easy for many people to go through this kind of thinking after a breakup over and over and look at these questions from every possible angle.
The problem with post-breakup blues is that you get stuck on the bike like a hamster and keep asking questions without finding real, conclusive answers.
Melancholy keeps us trapped in our pain and suffering, and therefore it can be so difficult to get out of this state when we experience a painful event such as a separation.
Find a way forward after a breakup
If you separate from someone, you need a path to follow. For your luck and ability to recover, it is important that you get out of the hamster wheel and take care of yourself on a deeper level, rather than remain in a state of blues.
The irony is that the answers you're looking for often appear much faster when you start moving forward than when you just ponder it.
When we have painful life experiences, it is important, even an opportunity, to discover who we are and what makes us truly happy at heart.
If you take the time to do this, you will always be happier whether you want to get back together with your ex or not.
Why separations can be as painful as losing a loved one
Sometimes well-meaning family and friends respond to our separation with comments that make us feel misunderstood or misunderstand how deep our pain is.
They can say things like "You're better off without him/her anyway" or "Don't worry, you'll love him again."
And as they try to cheer us up, we feel even worse and lonelier because we feel that our pain is much more severe than they know. We started asking, "Should I get so excited about a breakup?"
The truth is that yes, it is perfectly understandable that you are devastated and maybe even have the feeling that you have lost the compass, with which you can find your way around the world.
Everything that felt familiar and safe in life has now been turned upside down.
Dr. Tricia Wolanin, a clinical psychologist at Psy.D., says, "The process of dealing with a breakup is comparable to grief. She adds, "It's the death of a relationship, of hopes and dreams for the future. The person we lost was [a big part of] our world and therefore took up a lot of space in our heads and hearts."
Why is "I miss my ex" such a strong thought?
When your expectations and life direction are turned upside down, there is a healing process you must go through to regain a sense of well-being.
Brene Brown, research professor and bestselling author, believes that if you don't allow yourself, you'll do a disservice to those around you, and even the rest of the world, to feel the full extent of your painful feelings.
On her popular podcast "Unlocking Us" Brown said:
"When we practice empathy with ourselves and with others, we create more empathy. Love is the last thing we have to ration in this world. The exhausted doctor in the New York emergency room is no longer useful if he only saves his kindness for her and it holds you or your colleague who has lost their job. The surest way to ensure that you have a reserve of compassion and empathy for others is to take care of your own feelings."
Feel the pain of a separation to get over it
Even if others may not fully understand your pain, don't fall into the trap of thinking you should "feel" different."
Breaking up with your ex is hard. Allow yourself to feel the pain so that you can really get over it.
If your pain prevents you from completing your daily tasks or makes you temporarily despondent, you should talk to a therapist about your separation. A good therapist will help you understand your pain so you can move on in a healthy and positive way.
keep going
As we have already discussed, regardless of whether you want to get back together with your ex or not, it is important that you develop and grow as a person.
The feeling of losing your ex is perfectly normal, and it's also an opportunity to dig deeper into what makes you truly happy, on your terms.
Whether you choose to return to your ex or not, you will take your next steps as the most perfect and happy version of you, and that is exactly the place, from which you want to start your next chapter, whatever great adventure it may be.
FREE eBook: 4 Steps to Starting Over With an Ex
Would you like to see your ex again?
Then you should take a look at our FREE e-book, the Ex Back Manual.
With this book we pursue one goal: to help you get your Ex (for good!) back on his feet.
If you want a foolproof plan to undo your breakup, you'll love this guide.
You can read it here.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you need specific advice about your situation, speaking with a relationship coach can be very helpful.
I know from my own experience...
A few months ago I turned to Relationship Hero when I was going through a difficult phase in my relationship. law of attraction how to get your ex back , After so long in my thoughts, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how I might get it back on track.
If you haven't heard of Relationship Hero yet, it's a website where highly-skilled relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and receive advice tailored to your situation.
I was overwhelmed by how kind, sensitive, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Discover the #1 Truth To Building Unstoppable Confidence Click Here NOW